Ok, I have been getting anonymous messages on my tumblr over and over asking "Why I haven't been shooting anything like I used to?" I have been ignoring this question because I don't know the answer. I apologize but mostly I apologize to myself as weird as that sounds. Just recently I have been looking through my old photographs. Digital and film. I just miss picking up my camera and shooting like every two weeks. It came so naturally and it felt so satisfying. Now it's like once a month if that and I'm not even happy with the outcome most of the time. I look at them and I know they can be so much better, or maybe that is just me being very critical towards myself. I cant blame anyone but myself with this problem of mine. It's not that I don't want to photograph things and people anymore.. it's just my mind gets in these ruts all the time, and time is my worst enemy. Trust me I have ideas that run through my brain everyday but I cant put them physical down with my camera unless my mind is free. 50 percent of the time I am consumed with school and my part time job, which feels like full time. Mostly because of my stress level. I have no idea where I am going with this. It's just a ramble of thoughts and words. Couple of weeks ago during my photo history class I started getting emotional when my professor started talking about taking photographs with passion. Not just shooting because it is a "job" I knew exactly what he was talking about because I find myself doing that all the time lately. I couldn't help but get emotional about it. It's sad to me that my professor pushes me because clearly I'm not pushing myself enough and he notices. I mean its meaningful to me of course when someone believes in me don't get me wrong. If I could drop everything around me and just dedicate my life to photography trust me I would in a heart beat. I told myself I would finish school and save up for certain things in my life then start pursuing the lifestyle I want. It's really baby steps I have to take because I have so much in my life going on. Mostly mentally to be honest. I should really take all my frustration into photo making but like I said.. time is something I don't have anymore. If I want to do a shoot I really have to plan it out. A through Z it seems. The only thing I know is photos. This is the only thing I know that I want ever so badly. I want to live comfortably, while doing something I love. I don't want to become a slave working an 9 to 5 "job" everyday of my life...because what kind of life would that be? A sad and pathetic one. Some people are content with average. I'm defiantly not. I will get my shit together eventually.